That's what I tried to tell myself after calling my husband in the middle of his busy workday to express the feeling that "I'm going to lose my mind," and that if he "didn't come home soon, I might die." These dramatic overtones were lost on the other side of the phone as I could hear him attending to his necessary tasks and trying to understand why I was almost in tears about BLT sandwiches.
Today is one of "those" days. My favorite little person has just found my every last nerve, stretching each one out and slowly grating them all to fine fibers of what they used to be.
It's just one of those days.
On days like today, it's hard for me to maintain focus or motivation. I generally feel every attempt at productivity is worthless. Dishes are half done. Lunch still needs to be cleaned up. Toys are scattered in the most random of places. And I have yet to get out of my pajamas. Not for lack of trying, mind you. It just hasn't happened. After I get snotted on, food covered, grease splashed and tear-stained, I just can't justify risking real clothing on a day like today.
There's the hope that tomorrow I will wake up with energy and have a brief 5 minutes to shower before the routine begins. But not today. I feel like I'm paying my dues.
My dues for 25 years of sleeping in til whenever I wanted, uninterrupted mornings of silence spent reading, drinking coffee and watching five hour Jane Austen movies. I'm paying my debt for the times I didn't understand why my sister was so tired and didn't seem to want to go see a midnight movie (oh Dee, I'm so sorry).
So thank you today for giving me a good solid dose of Parenting 101. Can I go back to bed now?