Friday, January 14, 2011

An Announcement

::: (It seems impossible for me to tell everyone face to face before I post things here, or before they find out otherwise. Sorry friends if my phone calls or coffee dates didn't happen before this blog. And if I've seen you and haven't said anything, please know it was only because I didn't know how - didn't know when - didn't know if I should.):::

It feels like a part of me is dying.

I realize that sounds incredibly melodramatic. It's ok. You can say that. I know it is, a bit.

But it does feel like something inside of me is singed; fire-scorched even. I told a friend the other day, "I'm trying to keep my head up but it's getting hard."She reminded me, "You're allowed to put your head down....You know it's the beauty of grace...that we can put our heads down and give up."

This is not a giving up decision. But it's a hard one. 

Sometimes want and wisdom do not lead down the same paths.

More so, I am continuing to learn that life is not as I thought it would be. It never is ((really)).

For some of you, this announcement won't ruffle your feathers at all. It will seem as though nothing has changed.

For others though, it means quite an adjustment. For you and me both.

I am moving.

There. I said it. The big three words I've yet to really get out without choking on my own tears or tearing open a hole in my jeans.

I. am. moving.

"Where?" is the next question.

To New York. The Empire State. To the mountains and waterfalls, creeks and trees.

Indeed, I have come so far and far I will continue to go. I don't know what lies beyond this decision. I can tell you that one year ago, I never would've imagined I'd be where I am today. If that's any sort of indicator, I can't even begin to predict where this narrow, winding path will lead me in 12 months... except it would appear to be passing through New York.

This decision has been ruminating for quite some time. Months of going back and forth, swinging from thrill at the idea to weeping for fear that it's true. Texas has become my home. This land — its colors, summer heat, sunrises, sunsets, sweeping winds and beautiful pride has won my heart. Wholly. Fully. Texas wasn't supposed to be a home, but it became one. I just assumed it was going to be home for awhile longer...

But it hasn't happened that way. It's not happening that way.

The occurrences that led me to this point are, for now, irrelevant. They are just tiny threads in a giant tapestry. Just brief notes in a story that started long before I showed up and will finish long after I'm gone.

So I am nearing the end of one chapter, to start another. Prayers appreciated. Begging your grace and patience as I sort out emotions, fears, questions and decisions... 
(probably more frequently on this humble platform).

In case I haven't said it before,
from my little laptop home to yours,


  1. having just done a big cross-country move, i think i may understand a lot of what you're feeling. now settled in my new home, i could never have imagined it would feel like this.

    i'm on the PA/NJ border . . . maybe we will meet in person someday.

    prayers of peace on your move-motions.

  2. I get your tweets sent directly to my phone so I can be up on any "news" as soon as it's posted. Because you are a mover and a shaker and from any given moment to the next, you might be moving in an entirely new direction ...and I want to follow ... in every sense of the word. I love you. Excitedly thankful that you have the courage to take big steps - going "back" to NY is indeed stepping forward. Don't feel otherwise!

  3. Thank you for teaching me to say such things about grace--you are an eternal part in my grace revelation and I am forever grateful for you. I am sad, yes, but expectant. We are not looking back, we are looking forward in great hope for you on this next pilgrimage stop. I love you. Deeply.

  4. friend! i am so excited for you! i have heard you go back and forth and wrestled with it. but i am so excited for all that hangs in your future. you are amazing. beautiful. inspiring. so thankful to know you. and though i haven't been in texas for the last few months anyway, it will be sad to know you won't be there when i go back for a visit...on the other hand, i have always wanted to go to new york!

  5. Without change, we never progress. In fact, I read somewhere recently--"without change, there wouldn't be butterflies." I liked that. So think of yourself and M. as beautiful butterflies, fluttering to your next home, and alighting there for however long is right, until the breezes carry you onward! Godspeed and safe travels. I am selfishly hoping your destination is near to me and that perhaps we will meet again!

  6. Andrea,
    Your pictures are beautiful, your annoucement exciting.

  7. i just cried reading this. i know the other night i blah blah blah'd about how proud of you i was and how great this will be (all things i fully and truthfully believe) but today im complaining to God. i love you and im so glad to have you as one of my bests;) so be flattered that im grumpy about this "news". hope to see you saturday night! give M a squeeze for me today too, i miss that beauty!

  8. oh. i HATE change so much. even when i know it's best. even when i know i can't fight it. evn though. i HATE change. praying for you as you journey.

  9. will be praying with are brave...just keep breathing and don't let go! You'll make it! just a little longer

  10. thank you all so much for the encouraging words/prayers/good thoughts and love. it means SO much. really.

  11. I'm a day behind in life in general, so I just found out today that you are moving. I'm a little sad that you are leaving my state before I got to "meet" you (but you know, Austin would be a great place to see before you leave, hint, hint) but I'm excited for you and love that we live in an age where moving doesn't mean the end of friendships.

    And of course, I would love to hear the story behind the move, but that's just me wanting to know your heart!

  12. wow. from my uninformed part of the world, i think this is a good thing for you.

  13. Jen — i still want to make it to austin! i will share more details soon! :)

    Peggy — thanks so much... i'm still not sure how i feel about it.

  14. hello friend. what a beautiful post. sending good happy thoughts your way during this time of change.