{this nest}: I Don't Know

Sitting on her bed made my heart happy. Tiny Lorna Doone crackers, hot tea, a football game humming on the dresser. I tucked my toes underneath me, and she sprawled.

We couldn't be more opposite at this moment. She tall, (formerly blonde) redhead, so much love and excitement seeping from her soul. I'm shoved into these 5 feet, brunette hair wrapped in a braid, my soul just quiet.

Surely, not more opposite than this.

Except for in heart. Our hearts are kindred, even if our stories and lives aren't moving in the same direction. She sipped her tea and filled me in with stories of life to come, of dreams realized, of hopes ahead. I listened as she swooned with love. It really made my world settle in some sort of perfect peace.

Then she turned to me.

"What about you?"

She asked the list of questions... and I followed up with a series of "I don't knows" clunking out of my mouth, my braid getting more and more twisted by the minute.

"Hmm," she said. Her eyes still sparkling with her own joys, "Sounds like you have some things to know. Time to turn some of these "I don't knows" into solid things."

We nodded, sipped our tea and watched the boys on a field tumble in blue and silver, orange and black.

I rambled a bit more, repeating things, shaking my head, furrowing my brow, shrugging my shoulders.

She listened, her busy Blackberry buzzed with the requests of important Hollywood things. But she didn't budge. She listened. Something about her very opposite but kindred presence made the world feel balanced.

"These Lorna Doones taste like animal crackers," I finally said.

"You're such a mom now." She laughed.

Yep, I am. That and a hundred other things.

Do you have "don't knows"? Or is it just me? I'm tired of them. Some I can't solve. But some I can.

How?

I don't know.