Monday, July 19, 2010

the truth is...

This August will mark five years of Texas living. That's five years of unbearable heat, learning new social customs, making friends, getting married, having a baby, getting a divorce, and now looking into a very new, very unpredictable future. Though I suppose everyone's future is unpredictable. Otherwise we wouldn't behave so erratically when things don't go our way.

Five years of learning to call this place home. Of building. And rebuilding.

The truth is, sometimes I really do want to go back. Or forward, depending on how you look at it.

I want something more for her.


I want something more for me.


Then I wonder if I'm searching for home.

Home is a shelter from storms - all sorts of storms.  ~William J. Bennett

The other day I mused with a friend.

"I'm going to move and buy an old farmhouse, tucked away in a hillside."

got it here

 I'm ok with being a country girl at heart. I like the silence. I like the mountains. The birds. The water.

got it here
I find myself in the thick of pain, while also experiencing the beautiful restoration that comes through Grace. I've seen it in most in my family. Stories that need to be written and told. I long to be an afternoon drive away, the option of weekend excursions, summer BBQs, birthday party extravaganzas.

So the truth is, I'm missing it now more than ever. No plans. No arrangements. Just something to put in already stewing pot of "things I should pray about."

“When you're safe at home you wish you were having an adventure; when you're having an adventure you wish you were safe at home” — Thornton Wilder

(I'm sure I've just managed to send all my New York family into a tizzy, and all my Texas friends into freak-out I've turned off my phone.)



  1. Well you've made me cry. Whatever is best, whatever is God...that will be your home. I love you.

  2. No tizzy or freak-out fest from this girl who's straddling NY and Texas at present. Just the hope for a holy assurance, a slice of grace, and a deep down knowing of how deeply you are loved--wherever you are.

  3. Thanks again for sharing your heart with all of us. I'm praying! Whatever path, direction it may be, that God would make a way for you to be where he wants you to be.

  4. you both made me cry, too! I know exactly how you feel. It's just so hard to be far away from loved ones.

  5. yahhhooooo the adventure of life! i am so excited for you whatever it may hold. live it! love it! embrace it! hope it is more than you ever dreamed possible, whatever the outcome.