Thursday, February 9, 2012

Hey Girl, Be Ok With Being a Girl

I feel like there's a whole lot more I should write here. There's a lot of disjointed thoughts. Things I haven't thought through. So, have grace. Give me grace. And maybe I'll write more.

She writes me and tells me that she's looking for a chiffon dress.

"Navy blue," she specifies and my hunt begins.

Finding the right dress for the right occasion is part of being a girl. Dresses. Beauty. Cultivating. It's all part of it.

Femininity is a gift, I tell other girls these days. And I believe it. In the face of a culture that tells me I ought to look a certain way and be held to a certain standard of beauty, while at the same time work like man, talk like a man, think like a man... it feels like being feminine is lost.

Because there's a difference between hot and beautiful.
Between being responsible and being in charge.
Between nurturing and bossy.

I've been thinking a lot lately about what it means to be a girl. 

Because, I like being a girl. 
And I get really tired of the world telling me that I am equal to a man.
I get tired of magazines shouting at me telling me how to seduce a man, and then work like a man.
To work my smiles, look like a 15 year old, and then earn my paycheck and work my ambition.
I am tired of it.

Femininity is a gift. To us. To men. To the world.

Sure, you're capable. You're strong.
We can do it all if we want to.
But we don't have to.
And, in some cases, we're not supposed to.

The woman was a separate creation from man. 
Another creative thought from God. Not a duplicated one. 

The difference between men and women is not just what's under our clothes. Or how we make decisions. Or how many words a girl can say in 10 minutes.

(Which by the way, I can talk. I can fill up 10 minutes in a snap with rambling words. I can go from laughing to crying in 30 seconds or less.)

I have many flaws. I'm aware of them daily. I am fighting an uphill battle in a society that is trying to tell me and all my girl and guy companions what beauty is. Commercialism, media, everywhere I turn. Beauty is being defined with or without our consent, and we can either buy into it and agree, or try and live above it.

I'm aware of my flaws every time I look in the mirror. Everytime I compare myself to a friend. To a stranger.

But this much I know — I'm happy I'm a girl.

So when a girl sits on my couch, and I say "Embrace femininity" and she puzzles a bit,  I try to tell her, "I'm not telling you to be more beautiful. Or to wear more makeup. I'm not saying you need to fake a fainting spell and forget how to discuss politics.

I'm saying,
stop searching for how to attract a man.
It's not about seduction.
Create room in your life for a man who will honor the Lord.
Leave room for a man to step in.
Don't try to do it all. Be it all.
Cultivate beauty, grace, gentleness, brokenness in your heart.
Understand the heart of God toward women, not just humanity as a whole.
Understand Eve.
Know how she still haunts us.
Put down the magazine. Shun the image.
Turn into the cross.

For the sake of our daughters,
respect men and wonder at how beautifully different we get to be.

And sometimes, wear a chiffon dress."


  1. Replies
    1. Love you. And thanks for the comment. I need to do better at saying hi when I'm on your side. :)

  2. This is so wonderfully, so elegantly spoken. If you get a chance, will you link this to SDG next Monday night? I think it will inspire a lot of women.

  3. I'm working on intimacy with the Lord. Seeing how he views me as a woman, his bride. It's cool because he thinks I'm really beautiful and then I feel just like I am... I am.... When I can keep my eyes on him, I'm happy and at peace. When I start looking at a man in my life, I get stressed, start to compare myself with others, and feel like I fall short. God can take care of this if I just put him first, the rest will be "added unto me"! Thanks for the lovely post Andrea.

    1. For me, finding my identity in God's eyes really clears up so many of the issues that trip me up day to day. You're right that when we keep our eyes on him, peace can be found. Nothing else makes us "ok" except his Grace! So glad you were encouraged!

  4. I love this too. It reminds me of the quote that I heard "you can do anything, but not everything". I don't want to do it all. I want to focus on what's most important in my life and do that. (It's something I'm working on.)

    1. Yes! Me too... I don't want to do it all. But I want to do what I'm gifted to do. And one of those is being a girl. :)

  5. Thank you for your beautifully written thoughts! I didn't find them disjointed at all ;) I am struggling with many of the same thoughts and I appreciate the words you have put to them! After reading this I, too, like being a girl!!!

    1. I'm so glad to hear you like being a girl too! Isn't it great? :) Here's to learning how to do that well!

  6. I love how you said, "Femininity is a gift. To us. To men. To the world." So true. I thank God all the time now that I'm older that I was not created a man. I have the better lot in life and I love pink.

    1. Haha, loving pink has been a slow, blooming love for me. Having a daughter helped that process :) Pink and now sparkly things too. :P