She wandered into the dark living room. 7 a.m. felt early to both of us and even the sky was still blush blue, and only hinting at a morning sky.
"But it's not morning yet, mom," she said bleary-eyed.
"It is dear," I sipped on hot coffee and tried to reassure her, no... both of us. Despite the night-ish feeling of a dark, city-lit sky, the clocks said it was morning and time to be on the move.
"But it's still dark," she cried, and ignored my promise that morning was here.
We went about our routine, breakfast, chores, clothes, shoes. The morning arguments and negotiations and questions went on; typical chaos for the hour preceding the school drop-off. We rushed out the door in the dark. In the long apartment hallways, the east-facing apartment doors pierced through the shadows with light. Streams of a morning sun we had yet to see danced through foggy glass and she squealed.
"It IS morning!" She pointed at the warm yellow light as we walked through each beam on our way to the elevator. "See the light mom?"
I nodded, "Just because you can't see it, that doesn't mean the sun isn't rising."
And just like a good soul echo does, the very words I meant for her came back into me.
It seems like a lot of people are getting the sunshine these days. They're getting picked out of the crowd. Seen. Shining. Chosen.
And for the ones who feel like they're still sitting in the dark, it's hard to understand why the sun seems to shine on some and not the rest. It's easy to stand in the shadow and not know if it's dawn or dusk. I am so prone to doubt the goodness of God when I don't feel like I can tangibly experience it. I want to feel the heat of the light kissing my skin; not just hear about it.
I think this is what's hard about believing that God is good. I believe He is good and does good, but I'm not always convinced that He has good for me personally. I know somewhere the sun is bright and shining, and no doubt it's warm and good. But I have found that shadows sometimes feel more familiar than I'd care to admit.
But believing that God is good for me is the same as believing that the same sun that breaks on the eastern horizon will come this way to our northern windows. I have no doubt that behind the buildings and curtains of clouds, a light is bringing a new day.
So wherever you are today, whatever darkness you find yourself standing in, remember this: Just because you don't see it, that doesn't mean the sun isn't rising.
I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord In the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord. — Psalm 27:13-14