Thursday, August 11, 2011

Somewhere Between Eden and Hardwood Floors

I want to write about the road trip.

In fact, I did and it sits in my "unpublished" folder.

But for some reason, right now, it's not the one. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe when I'm spinning my wheels on Friday and need some traction, I'll post it and remember that I don't always hate writing.

But a few days of driving, a few days of packing, leaving a state that is no longer home and coming back to a place that is not quite ready leaves me weary and agitated.

Words slip out of my fingers, ideas fall flat and I'm left to another spare bedroom with my daughter when all I want is


I realize it's only a matter of days and this will all change.

And I feel so incredibly selfish and exposed in my western luxuries when I complain that...
the bed is not *my* bed.
The room is not *my* room.
The kitchen is not *my* kitchen.

Haven't you learned anything in all your travels? I ask myself. That life isn't beds and blankets, kitchens and stoves, home decor and throw rugs?

No, apparently I have not learned a thing.

So forgive me as I fill this space with the honest ramblings of a

road weary girl,
idealess designer,
time-restricted worker,
tired mother,
and all the other things that probably fall in-between the lines.

Grace feels vague, joy unrooted, thoughts restless.

Sometimes all this longing for a home here makes me just really want to go home, home. To the place that is promised to us weary pilgrims.

Is that why I have such a desire for a home? Because something in me knows that we were originally designed to dwell and be? Eden was made for enjoying and resting, beauty and communion with God and companion. Maybe the desire for a home isn't such a bad thing. Maybe it's just a part of me.

When my time comes, I want to go back to Eden.

And in the meantime, I want that 4th floor apartment with hardwood floors.



  1. Do you know that this, even though I know you don't want another spare bedroom, it just made me want to bring you here, love you, play with your little girl, let you rest.

    Praying Friday comes soon for you, friend.

  2. Oh dear, that does sound so lovely at this moment. Friday is a mere four hours away. I'm hanging on.

  3. i have been reading a book called "the sacrament of evangelism" and in it, the author talks about how God creates desires in us that we can never fill on earth in order to create a longing for Him. i had never thought of it like that but the more i do, the more i see how true it is. i see how much more i long to be with Him. to be...home. :D

  4. Kim — I totally agree. CS Lewis said something similar — "If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."