Saturday, February 5, 2011

Muffled Hope

This morning felt different.

Maybe it was the snow outside of my window. Snow always muffles everything, even my thoughts.
Maybe it was the tiny shuffle of feet that crawled into bed while the morning was still whispering it's arrival to the dark.
Even more, it could've been the lack of anxiety in my heart, coursing through my veins. It's been awhile since I've felt so "ok."

For a few moments, as we were wrapped up in this white down blanket, we lived inside of an unbreakable shell. We, Madeleine and I, welcomed the morning with tiny songs, little kisses, momentary slumber.

The temptation to worry was right there, sitting on the red table. I could feel it; sense it. Like the slithering shadow it is, its strangling fingers reached towards us.

"No," I prayed. "Not right now. Not here."

"It's coooold, Mama," she said. Do you feel it too, sweetheart?

And I repent for leading her this way. For living my days in fear, instead of faith. For not fixing my eyes on the unmoveable and unshakeable. Am I teaching her to be like a ship tossed on the waves?

"We are anchored to Him," I say. Us two, not much different in this moment. 

She begs for milk and a blueberry donut. I rise with her and by grace, leave the slithering darkness behind us.

Today, we have promise. And a future. 

Perhaps it's snow muffled.

Or maybe it's the quiet companions of faith and hope, quietly whispering to darkness, "Hey. It's our turn now."

But I felt it this morning. Truth that wraps us up. Promise that anchors us.

Love that really is unbreakable.


  1. Absolutely beautiful and uplifting! Keep your eyes lifted high, even when the waves of life demand of you answers, and action - its the only way to rise above all those shadows that seek to keep your vision low, and your soul hopeless. God has an answer for every question And that answer will bring peace and take you one step higher!

  2. I agree with Adrienne - beautiful and uplifting - and an inspiration to me in my own battle with anxiety.

  3. You can feel the emotion in you words, Andrea. You can feel a rawness, but you can also feel the glimmer of the promise you tightly cling to.

  4. So glad you left it behind and went forward with your love...your daughter. I know this tearing between the two...for you and for her..grateful

  5. Adrienne — thank you. :)
    Laura — i'm linking arms with you across the miles... this whole anxiety thing has got to go.
    Amy — thanks friend for being so kind and encouraging! i'm thankful for your words!
    tiffini — i did my best to leave it behind all day, though some moments i just wanted to go back to bed. thank you so much for stopping by today!

  6. I cannot get the visual of the red table out of my head. Sometimes it helps me so much to associate a tangible place where those things that I wish to leave behind can reside.

  7. Just catching up ... I love how full and raw your heart is so I'll make up a cheesy word for it ... rawsome. I love glimpses into your world.