Tuesday, February 1, 2011


And we're back.

Back to life after one week of forced nothing.

My phone, my usual third arm to daily routine, e-mail checking and schedule-keeping was coated in white sand under a towel and a tube of sunscreen. My shoulders received more sun-kissed freckles than my nose and mascara was somewhere forgotten at the bottom of a suitcase in the closet.


I tuned it all out. While those waves pushed gently against our feet, I wasn't thinking about the move. Or the hurt. Or my broken heart. Or any of the things that aren't lovely.

I watched the sea live and breathe; the tide push and pull. And I curled my toes deeper into that sinking sand. Then I tried to find the lessons. Because, I told myself, I know they're here.

I keep telling myself that what lies ahead of me is not something to dread or fear. It's not a punishment or a burden to bear. It's simply another wave, that will crest, break and pass on behind me.

I tell myself that I'm just a shell. Emptied. Filled. Emptied. Filled. Carried. Settled. Buried. Emptied. And maybe someday someone will pass by and say, "Wow. That's beautiful."

I feel this thing in me that is compelled. Beyond my will. Beyond my own choice. I tell myself it's just the tide. 
That God is the sun and the moon; 
the light of the day and the compelling in the dark. 
That regardless of anything else, 
I will always be where I am supposed to be.

The clouds looked like elephants and horseshoe crabs. My soothing balm was buried within Elizabeth Barrett Browning's poetry and Anne Morrow Lindbergh's admonitions. I didn't feel guilty for not following a disciplined reading plan or morning devotional.

God met me in the sand under my nails, the burning hot sun and the nightly bowl of stars.

And I keep telling myself that.


{linking up today with these girls over here...}


13 comments:

  1. I am encouraged by your story today. It really is how we choose to look at it. whether we choose to believe a lie or believe the truth..
    I am glad you got that week..you needed it. It looks heavenly..we are getting a blizzard today:)

    I appreciate your prayers...I am a shell with you
    xo

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  2. I love the beach! God really does meet us right where we are as long as we are looking. Glad I followed you over from Finding Heaven.

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  3. I'm so glad you are back. I missed you. I'm so glad, though, that you had that time at the beach (my favorite) and I especially love your words about the shell and how people will pass and see the beauty. Your words are hopeful and, yet, my heart still aches for you, friend.

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  4. I have missed you Andrea! So glad you are back and had a lovely restful time (those photos are gorgeous!)

    This is absolutely beautiful. I love the imagery of the ocean....and the shell...and the filling and emptying. My heart so needed to hear these things today. There is hope....beauty is coming. I believe that.

    (I saw your tweet about The Civil Wars in your sidebar and laughed because I am listening to their album right now as I type this comment...and I tweeted about their album perfection this morning!)

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  5. I love the voice in which you tell your story of life. Really, it stands out, and even when you write about the tough stuff, there is a sweet and lulling tone to it.

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  6. Beautiful words, from a beautiful heart ♥

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  7. Tiffini — us shells, we can stick together.
    Rachy — i have this swiss-family-robinson dream to live in a giant treehouse on a beach, forever and ever, amen. i'm so glad you visited!
    Jen — thanks for encouraging me to continue :) and the fact that you're aching with me really feels a bit like someone is holding up my weary arms.
    Critty — The Civil Wars are the best! Thanks so much for your encouragement and for stopping by today. It means so much!
    Amy — I guess it's my own way of processing pain.. I'm always searching for beauty.
    Jenn — thank you thank you.

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  8. God did indeed meet you in the sand. What a glorious gift to be given rest in His creation.

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  9. I could hear the ocean in your voice and my mind was taken to the memory of sand under my feet. It's the one place I can empty my mind and it's also where God fills my heart. So thankful you had time to rest.

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  10. The poetry of the shell... took the very breath from my lungs.

    This is beautiful. I think I need some beach time to learn again how to see.

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  11. michelle - agreed. creation shouts with God's voice.
    pamela - i'm so glad that maybe even for a moment, you found your feet back on that sand.
    ashleigh - i hope you can get there soon :)

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  12. Wow. That's beautiful. It really is.

    And I will always be where I am supposed to be.

    I need to hold those words in my heart for a while.

    Thank you.

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  13. Kim — thanks for stopping by and for such a kind comment. Hoping those words take root in you like they've done in me.

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