I'm Such an Amateur.

There comes a moment in every single day that I find myself wide-eyed, heart-racing and I can't do anything about it.

Right around 3:42 p.m., just as I'm brewing my afternoon pot of coffee.

While M is away at her morning romp-and-roo (I don't know what that means but it sounds fun), I try to tackle the big things. Go for a run walk jog. Make a to-do list. Make those phone calls I keep putting off. Start three or four different projects. Finish (maybe) one.

Then she comes home. We have the same conversation every day regarding this 15-minute intermission.

M: "Barney?
Me: "Nope, naptime."
M: "Dora? Barney?"
Me: "Naptime."
M: *hangs head and starts dragging her bag toward her room* "Ooohkay..."

These are three glorious hours of her being safe and sound at home, sleeping away to some piano sonatas in her room. In my imagination this is when I would be most productive.

However, that seems to be the time my creativity takes a kamakazi dive for Comic Sans World and any attempt at designing/writing/brainstorming is fruitless. I make circles around my laptop and eventually end up wiping counters in the kitchen or watching some sappy Hallmark movie (during which I will cry and take chocolates out of the Advent Calendar to console myself. Don't worry. I took from the 25th. I have time to replace those.)

Then she awakes.

Back to that pot of coffee I've just brewed. She stirs and asks for snacks. I sip on my coffee and inevitably, right then, inspiration strikes like a wild, beautiful fairy. I'm mystified and enamored and must. create. now.

(In saying this, I'm admitting my complete and total lack of discipline as a creative professional. If I were disciplined, I wouldn't blame my lack of creativity on inspiration. I'd own up and say "Only amateurs sit around waiting for inspiration." So yeah, whatever, I'm an amateur creative professional. Now stop judging me.)

3:42

I'm overwhelmed with ideas. With the drive to do it all right now.

And no lie, my two year old stands at my side saying,

"What's that mama? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? That? That."

(I am not kidding. This just happened.)

This then turns into her saying, "Yook Mama. Memesephin. Memesephin. Memesephin."

To which I reply, "Oh...yeah." (I have no idea what she's saying and no amount of her motioning, pointing or excitement helps me understand.) This response seems to satisfy her for the moment.

I need to make 12:42 my 3:42. 

I need to grow up and not be an amateur. That little fairy needs to send some muses my way when I'm wondering how many gradients/drop shadows/"cool effects" I can use on papyrus... (graphic designer joke... and to salvage some reputation, it's not really true.... *side eye*)

Ever feel like you're waiting on a muse? Or maybe the muse came and left her dirty dishes for you to clean up?

Me too.