I don't always desire self-discipline. It's one of those want to want to want. I'm thankful for grace in that my lack of desire for self-discipline only drives me to Jesus. After all, it's a fruit of the spirit, not of the flesh. It's not something I can produce out of choice, or even do well out of habit. It's something I have to allow and submit to the Spirit working in me.
That being said, when I ask, there's an answer. I beg for some fruit. I'm asking for my roots and the threads of life in me to go back to the Tree of Life, and not the one of good and evil. I don't need humanism or moralism. I need grace.
So we stumble around in the mornings, as the sun is rising and the coffee percolates slowly. She crawls under a blanket on the couch and I stack, sort, think about the day. I arrange and plan, listing and attempting to put pieces in the right place for a good day. a beautiful day. a grace-filled day.
Then I find this, a scattered piece of yesterday's clean-up and sorting.
Little girl pearls sitting on real pearls. The earthly hinting at heaven. The beauty to encourage beauty.
The words that say "He will redeem.." and "There are many with me."
And I remember why I love these words. Why self-discipline turns into joy, and peace, and abundance. It's not self-beating. It's the Spirit... showing me just what I need... and why I can desire it again.